Ten Guilty Pleasures and other beasts: Part 1

1. Word slathering.

Salacious. Malicious. Delicious. Prohobiscious.

Okay, so the last one isn't a word. But is it now a word because I conceived?

I love words. I like the texture of certain words. Try out the smooth, sultry taste of the -icious words above.

I could have a feast of words. Words are not just ink typeset on a page. They are like strokes of paintbrushes loaded with empasto (thick, generous globs of generous ganderful gloop).

Or what about Sussex. Tee Hee Hee, sex. 

2. Writing Lists

To be frank, they look good on a page. They stimulate ideas that are crazy and straight from the erratic typing of the virtuoso. 

3. Flights of Fancy

I like the things that I like, but I love everything. I like flying because it induces me into travel and 

I fancy a multitude of myriads sins, no matter how fettered they should be. I fancy the whatnots I fancy. So flights of fancy make glorious sense.

Wouldn't you love to hear the following announcement while aboard a Boeing 202?

"Dear passengers thank you for choosing to fly with Airline Fancy, where we make all your dreams come true"

4. Making lists too long

5. Not finishing lists

My City!

Okay so tomorrow is the Mt. L. Street Festival and I'm going with my boyfriend. Should be cool.

Mt. L. is a pretty indie area at the moment. It's close to the city, not too trashy (like neighbour Northbridge). I'm hoping to see Planet Video as well; it's this kind of hybrid video/book/clothing store on the main Beaufort street drag, and it's meant to be awesome. Inner individualism or plain conformism? 

Who cares! I'm going to Planet Video.

This city does get a lot of shiite mushrooms for being dull, lacklustre, eccentric where the centre is interesting.

But P. is actually an alright place to live. 

We have awesome, awesome beaches.

Our air is not very polluted.

This state has a buttload of resources.

We have a huge beautiful river running down the middle.

The shops close at 5pm.

Okay everything except for the last point.

Lists of Places I probably should go to in P.

1. Ezra Pound- they serve cocktails in jam jars apparently. I suppose it is a clever, literary reference to the high Mayan race of the qweducquelites who found it necessary to put their drinks in jam jars not to be pretentious but to be truly individual, kooky and non-conformist. Inspiring.

2. Clubba- a dirty place where juveniles like to have show-downs about who can be the sluttiest without their friends telling them that they look not like Nayomi Campbell, but sluts.

3. The city at night. Oh wait done. There are groups of furries/ravers/furryravers in the city during the day near Emo Square as it was known as affectionately in the old days. They hang out near the McDonalds there.

4. On a S. River Cruise Boat at night. Too pretty. I could make a swan costume and perform a one-girl show about how I killed the swan, I mean how the swan nobly sacrificed itself so that I could wear its carcass...read beautifully preserved remains.

Good luck and Good night.

Social Awkward Turtle.

Everybody likes a party.

Right?

You get to go around and mix with people. But nearly 100% of the time you have that freaky social phenomenon where you run into someone who you have never met and know...EVERYTHING...ABOUT....THEM.

You know:
1. Their dogs' favourite toys.

2. How sleazy their work boss is.

3. Their pet hates.

4. Who they are dating.

5. How drunk they got on the weekend:
"Three nodos and one large redbull pleeease hurry up and kick in!!"

6. How drunk they did not get on the weekend:
"Can't believe that I'm sitting here while everyone is at Carnegies! 
Stupid public transport/lost id/lost wallet/weather/good tv"


7. How funny their grandma is when she takes off her wig at weddings.

8. How many crops they have on farmville.

9. Generic fact that they should not have disclosed on the internets.

And yet, you have spoken less than 10 words to them, 7 of them being:
 " Do you know where the esky is?"

The awkward part is knowing which route to take. It reminds me somewhat of those choose your own adventure stories.

PAGE 1

You are at the gathering in the forest (it's a jungle party) when the unknown entity and you make eye contact. 

Do you:

a) Place your mouth mechanically in the cheesiest of grins and approach them, inducing them into the game of who can squeal "Hi Random! How arrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrre yooooooooooooou?" in the highest pitch. Turn to page 2 to  see whether you have anything to say after replying "I'm Tickety-Boo!"

b) Pretend to see Santa Claus in the distance and gallop off in reindeer-fashion. Alternatively you start muttering to yourself something about the zombie apocalypse and cheesepuffs. You escape, shamed in your awkward turtleness to page 3 

Yes this is what society has come to. Pretending to like people you don't know or care about in order to avoid the awkward turtle.

It will find you.

MORAL OF THE STORY: