Social Awkward Turtle.

Everybody likes a party.

Right?

You get to go around and mix with people. But nearly 100% of the time you have that freaky social phenomenon where you run into someone who you have never met and know...EVERYTHING...ABOUT....THEM.

You know:
1. Their dogs' favourite toys.

2. How sleazy their work boss is.

3. Their pet hates.

4. Who they are dating.

5. How drunk they got on the weekend:
"Three nodos and one large redbull pleeease hurry up and kick in!!"

6. How drunk they did not get on the weekend:
"Can't believe that I'm sitting here while everyone is at Carnegies! 
Stupid public transport/lost id/lost wallet/weather/good tv"


7. How funny their grandma is when she takes off her wig at weddings.

8. How many crops they have on farmville.

9. Generic fact that they should not have disclosed on the internets.

And yet, you have spoken less than 10 words to them, 7 of them being:
 " Do you know where the esky is?"

The awkward part is knowing which route to take. It reminds me somewhat of those choose your own adventure stories.

PAGE 1

You are at the gathering in the forest (it's a jungle party) when the unknown entity and you make eye contact. 

Do you:

a) Place your mouth mechanically in the cheesiest of grins and approach them, inducing them into the game of who can squeal "Hi Random! How arrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrre yooooooooooooou?" in the highest pitch. Turn to page 2 to  see whether you have anything to say after replying "I'm Tickety-Boo!"

b) Pretend to see Santa Claus in the distance and gallop off in reindeer-fashion. Alternatively you start muttering to yourself something about the zombie apocalypse and cheesepuffs. You escape, shamed in your awkward turtleness to page 3 

Yes this is what society has come to. Pretending to like people you don't know or care about in order to avoid the awkward turtle.

It will find you.

MORAL OF THE STORY: